I have and I know it can be an absolute horrible and trying night - that's for sure!
There are just so many things that can play havoc with our conscience. Addictions, offences to another, family breakups, violence, repetitive sin and even greed can mar our minds and give us anxiety and a sense of unrest in all aspects of our lives.
The world is literally awash with examples of man's feeble attempts to appease his/her consciences but I'm afraid to say all to no avail.
There are all sorts of people in this world and all of us have a conscience and whether that conscience is all clear is whether we can control what we say and do and whether we can really rest easy in our beds at night.
Maybe you are the type of person who has unhelpful self-statements and thoughts and they have become a habit hard to break. If we constantly use our unhelpful self-statements to ourselves we can cause ourselves no end of emotional stress and trauma marring and scarring our consciences which could lead to serious depression and even self-harm.
Personally I am a 'tiger' for catastrophising - that is blowing little things out of all proportion. I can view a small problem as huge, terrible, horrible, awful and full of dread and woe.
This can have a huge effect on my conscience and then the feeling of guilt of things gone on in my past often things I had and have no control over whatever. I can take on the responsibilities of people I hardly know and feel responsible for many and varied slip ups resulting in a huge burden of guilt that I carry around and again, can mar and spoil my conscience.
Maybe you are the type of person who places really unreasonable demands or pressure on yourself and even others. The "I should - I must" syndrome is alive and well and living in you. But putting these demands and pressures on yourself can create very unrealistic expectations and when you can't fulfill these unrealistic pressures, huge guilt takes their place.
Once we start carrying around with us unrealistic and huge pressures, stress comes streaming in, causing us to have any number of side effects that could easily spoil our relationships, work life and even our home situations.
All sorts of things can cause us to have low moods and if it goes on unchecked can cause depression. Everyone has from time to time low moods caused by just every day living in this topsy turvy world of ours. But when that low mood is allowed to fester, then it can effect our entire body causing emotional and physical symptoms.
Depression can cause anything from loss of interest in activities to disturbed sleep - insomnia, poor eating or no appetite at all to overeating. Lack of energy and feeling 'the guilts' over nothing.
We can become obsessive in our behaviour. Letting our minds go to unwanted thoughts that occur over and over again with no respite.
Uncertainty over the future can cause a lot of us to spoil and destroy the harmony we had with each other. Guilt can also cause us heaps of troubles feeling like we are not what we ought to be.
If you are suffering from acute depression or anxiety, please don't try to control it on your own - you may need help from professional people and please don't put yourself down if that's what you have to do. There is really nothing wrong with seeking help from someone with the tools to help us cope.
Whatever has caused a troubled conscience, our Lord and God has an answer - we can come to him with anything and everything no matter what we have done, who we have upset, what symptoms we are showing and just how bad we can be feeling.
It says in the bible to seek God while he can be found. He does really forgive all of our sins. Please don't let a troubled conscience stop you from seeking God. He gives you confidence in his presence and restores joy to your life. Once you repent of your sins God can give you great confidence in your life - all fears can be gone.
Your conscience can be clean when you know God. Own your mistakes face your troubles with assurance and confidence. God can completely clean the broken garbage of our lives.
So today if you are suffering from a seared conscience, maybe an absolute condemning of yourself, feeling that nothing you do is good enough or a feeling of total guilt, please pour it out to God. Come to Him in confession and true repentance.
There is no need to put on a front with God, Faith in God is not just knowing - Faith is responding in obedience to Him - remembering that "THE BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST CLEANSES US FROM ALL SIN".
That seared conscience that we can't get rid of ourselves, the blood of Jesus cleanses it all.
I pray that God will work in your heart today and that you will find peace, comfort and a deep down joy that can never fade regardless of whatever you have been or are carrying around with you.